Paige Elizabeth {A Birth Story}

“Life takes you unexpected places…love brings you home.“

Rewind a few years back to the Fall of 2005: I had just started dating my now husband, Justin, who went to college with Gary and Kathleen.  Gary and Justin lived together and played soccer together, so the four of us quickly became good friends-college formals, nights out, sporting events, and even vacations.

Fast forward a few years after graduation: Justin was the best man in Gary and Kathleen’s wedding, Gary was a groomsman in ours, and we were thrilled to find out in the Fall of 2011 that Gary and Kathleen were expecting their first baby the following Spring.  They had always been sort of “one step ahead” of Justin and I, and I looked up to them for that.  Kathleen is someone I can/could go to for advice on anything that she and Gary had already experienced and I could expect an honest reply and opinion.

When Gary and Kathleen asked me to do the honor of capturing the birth of their first baby, Miss Lainey Marie, I was forever changed.  Not only did I feel completely overjoyed with the task of photographing this amazing event, but the thought of it just made my heart feel full.  I got to witness a miracle right before my eyes, and my outlook on life and how valuable it is was re instilled.

A few months later, just before Lainey’s first birthday, Kathleen and I were at the alumni game for our hubby’s college soccer team.  Surprisingly, she handed Lainey to me straight out of her stroller wearing a “Big Sister” shirt and my mouth must have dropped to the bleachers.  Though Kathleen and Gary hadn’t planned to get pregnant that quickly again, Lainey had already grown to be so great with kids and babies around her age that Kathleen thought it was a blessing in disguise.

Lainey’s little sibling was due in mid November of 2013 (Gary and Kathleen didn’t know if it was a boy or girl until the birth), and Justin and I were due with our first baby in May of 2014.  We couldn’t have planned it better–our kids being so close in age, and being able to experience all of this as close friends.

Gary and Kathleen asked me to capture the birth of their second baby too, and there was never a doubt in my mind that I wouldn’t be in that delivery room just as I was for Lainey.  Kathleen text me on a cold, dreary Saturday in November-the 23rd to be exact-and said she was having Braxton Hicks and to be prepared as this is how labor began with Lainey.  A few hours later, Gary called and said they were on their way to the hospital.  Justin went with me as we drove as fast as we could from Martinsville to Carmel to make sure we made it there in enough time…and this is where Paige’s story begins.

It was almost midnight by the time we made it to the hospital.  Gary and Kathleen were in good spirits; she was laughing and laid back as she usually is, not in any pain.  Kathleen’s dad was home with Lainey who was sleeping, but would be awoken as soon as the news of her baby brother or sister arrived so she could come visit.  Kathleen’s mom, and Gary’s parents and sister quickly joined Justin in the waiting room anxiously awaiting the news of the newest baby Yohe.

Kathleen started pushing around 1am and it seemed as though no sooner than the pushes began, Paige was here.  She was a girl. And she was perfect. A crying little 7 pound 11 ounce bundle of joy was handed to Kathleen. A moment she had been waiting for for the last 9 months had arrived.

But something was different about her, and Kathleen knew.

The nurse took Paige over to the warmer to clean her up, measure her, and get her weight. And though she was still crying at this point, she had opened her eyes enough for me to get a good look at her. And then, I knew.

She looked up at me with those little eyes and a million thoughts started running through my head.

“Why are her eyes so squinty and swollen? Why is her little tongue moving back and forth so consistently?….Maybe it’s just the lights. Surely it’s just the bright lights….Her eyes will look less puffy soon.

I just kept blaming everything I thought on the lights. It had to be the lights.”  But I knew I was wrong.

The nurse continued on caring for Paige as if everything was perfect.  Nothing was said.  The room was quiet except for Paige’s tiny cries.  I stopped taking photos to try to make sense of everything and made teary eyed contact with Kathleen.  I’ll never forget the way she looked at me- so scared, yet so hopeful, just waiting for somebody: me, the nurse, the doctor, anybody- to tell her that everything was fine.  How I wish I could have been that person.   The terrified look that never left Kathleen’s face in those few moments and the silence that continued on in that delivery room for what seemed like hours told me that Kathleen knew too; everyone in that room knew.

Kathleen kept her eyes on me and finally muttered out, “Does she look ok?”

With tears still streaming down my face, I shook my head reassuringly that Paige was just fine but my heart was just aching for the fear of what the doctor was about to confirm.

Kathleen had had several “soft markers” for Downs Syndrome come up in her ultrasounds with Paige. The markers started about half way through her pregnancy and ranged from fluid in Paige’s kidneys to calcification in her heart. Kathleen’s doctor sent her to a specialist that monitored her with ultrasounds regularly and considered every marker they found to be within “normal range’- which meant Kathleen’s fears about Down Syndrome were recessed. She didn’t have a reason to believe anything was wrong after seeing the specialist; that is, until she got to meet Paige for the first time in person.

Kathleen’s doctor finally made her way over to Kathleen’s bedside that night as she was holding Gary’s hand tightly, just waiting for reassurance and for someone to somehow break the tension of silence in that room.  She had asked Gary several times if he thought Paige appeared to have Downs but Gary didn’t answer. He didn’t know how to answer.

Her doctor then sat down quietly on the side of Kathleen’s bed and looked her in the eyes and softly asked, “Did I overhear you say that you had some concerns?”

To which Kathleen replied, “Yes.”

And the doctor said, “I do too.”

Nothing else mattered at this moment.  I stood in the corner of that room staring at two of our best friends receiving some of the most heart wrenching news of their lives, and I cried. I cried hard listening to the doctor try to make sense of it all to Gary and Kathleen, while she cried too. Bits of their future flashed before my eyes as I stood there, my camera down, staring at Paige, thinking I would never ever forget this moment; thinking of what Kathleen must be thinking; and thinking of how badly I knew she and Gary wanted to be able to fix this.  I stopped taking pictures and let it all soak in, but just cried harder.  The doctor finally left Kathleen’s bedside after telling her that even though there were obvious concerns, Paige’s heart sounded fine, which is great news for babies born with Downs.  She told her that Paige was going to need love and caring just like any other baby, and though this is not what they expected, that it would be ok.  She put Paige back in Kathleen’s arms and she and Gary held her for what seemed like forever. Just crying and admiring her, and loving the little girl they had been given but did not expect.  I hugged Kathleen tightly and told her it would be ok…I knew she and Gary would make it be ok.

After a few minutes alone, Gary and Kathleen decided it was time to go out into the waiting room and tell everyone who had been anxiously awaiting to hear the news of the newest Baby Yohe.  I went with Gary, but decided that unlike when Lainey was born and I went ahead of him to capture everyone’s reactions with my camera, this time I’d hang back and let him tell everyone the news about Paige first.

Gary’s mom Bev has grown to be one of my most favorite people-such a sweet, kind, big-hearted woman, and when she saw Gary and I, and saw that I wasn’t running ahead of him like last time with my camera, she knew something was wrong.  My husband did too, as he looked at me with devastation as if he could read my tear filled eyes.

Gary had kept it together until this point-being the strong father figure he is, he hadn’t said much, or shed any tears. But when it came time to tell his parents, his sister, and Kathleen’s mom-he spit out that it was a girl, and then he lost it.  He couldn’t say the words, and Bev just kept asking me, “Lindsay, what’s wrong?… Lindsay, what’s wrong?”  I was crying too hard to get it out either, but I knew I had to for Gary.

“Everything’s fine. Kathleen’s ok-Paige is ok-there’s just strong characteristics in her face….. of Downs Syndrome.“

And they were the hardest words I’ve ever had to say.

Everyone wanted to rush back to Kathleen’s room; to meet Paige, and to comfort Kathleen, and Gary too.  Kathleen’s mom is a very strong, faithful person, and immediately went to Kathleen and touch her forehead to her own, and quietly spoke words none of us will ever know.  Everyone held Paige, kissed her, loved her, hugged her, and smiled.  They said words like, “She’s perfect.” “She’s beautiful.” “It’ll be ok.” “You’re going to be great at this.” and “Lainey is going to be so happy to have a little sister.”

They hugged Kathleen and Gary so tightly, kissed them, and cried with them.  Tears filled that room but it was also filled with love-more love than any of us could imagine.

The room seemed peaceful now; content, and hopeful. Everyone had pulled themselves together and showed their excitement for Paige-who seemed so happy being passed around. We got to witness her first bath-which she loved-and went immediately sleep after in her snuggly hat under the warmer.

And then, just as if it wasn’t 2:30 in the morning and she hadn’t been woken up from her sleep and brought to a strange place, Lainey came.

Bed head, in her jammies and all, she came..carrying her little cup of milk. She had no idea the roller coaster of emotions everyone had been on the last few hours, and she had no idea that something about Paige was different, but as soon as she walked in that room a whole new mood was lifted.

Gary carried Lainey in and she scanned the room immediately and found Paige under the warmer and pointed to her and said, “Ehh?!” as if she meant, “Is that my baby I’ve been waiting for?!”

She immediately taught us all the feeling of unconditional love.  She showed us the innocence of a child, and what the absence of stereotypes looks and feels like. She loved Paige right away-and she was proud to be her big sister.

What had seemed like such an emotionally wrecking few hours had suddenly been turned into a new sense of hope, of faith, and of a bright and rewarding future…all because of Lainey.  She climbed up on the bed with Kathleen and held Paige as if she knew all along that they were destined to be the best of friends. She hugged her, kissed her, and laughed, and played.

And they were happy.

Once Gary and Kathleen left the hospital, Paige had numerous tests. She has passed all of them with flying colors; including her hearing test, kidney screening, and echo-cardiogram. The results of the chromosome test did confirm 3 copies of the 21st chromosome, which in fact confirms the Downs Syndrome diagnosis. The entire family kept hopeful hearts and knew that Paige was going to take them places they might not have expected, but they will learn from her and love her dearly anyway. Paige will be their constant unique reminder in life- that life is about love and truly experiencing the beauty we are meant to know.  I will be forever grateful for experiencing this with them and have nothing but faith that they will be great with this new challenge and great at raising two beautiful little girls. Life does take us unexpected places, but love will always, always, bring us home. Love you guys.

Update: July 2022

Paige is now going on 9 years old. She is a ball of fire, full of personality and spunk, and her mom is her biggest advocate. She has a little brother now too, and likes to be the boss of the family. The Yohes are constantly reminded of the challenges that come with having a child with Downs, but continue to overcome them daily. Paige works hard at everything she does and will continue to bring smiles to everyone’s faces she meets.